The worst part is knowing that there is goodness in people. Mostly it stays deep down and buried. Maybe we don't have God because we're scared of the bad stuff, maybe we're really scared of the good stuff. Cause if there's no god, than that means its inside of us and, we could be good all the time if we wanted. So when we do bad things it'd be because we want to, or because we have to. Or maybe we just need the bad stuff to remind us of the good in the first place.
How do I show it? Yell at you? Should I scream at you? Hit you? Is that how I show you that it matters? If I hit you, it matters? I love you. What else can I say? Nothing I say is gonna change anything, because you love somebody else.
I kind of felt my heart breaking for her, but I knew that was no good. I wanted to do something for her, but there wasn't anything. There wasn't one thing I could really do. The electricity wasn't in her eyes anymore. Her eyes were still reflecting what was there, but now it was the sadness. I started to see it everywhere. Every face was different, but the same. I saw it in Ryan worse than anybody. All the words they were teaching him were things to stay away from. There weren't any words like "strawberry" or "kiss". I started to think that he knew. He knew that nobody looked at him like a normal kid. People either laughed at him of felt sorry for him. But he couldn't do anything about it. He was trapped. I couldn't sleep. I would lie there and think about Mrs. Calderon and I'd think about Ryan and I felt things tight in my chest. Felt like I was drowning. There's all this sadness and there's nothing you can do about it. And all I wanted was for it to go away."